Meatmachine.info

As I work to regain flexibility and strength in my leg, I’m trying to learn how to walk again.

For the most part, walking around and balancing upright on two legs is performed without conscious control. We command ourselves forward and on we move, our legs smoothly keeping pace beneath us. So many muscles working in concert to propel us forward, always falling and catching ourselves with elastic bundles of fibrous flesh. .

As my leg is currently restricted in it’s freedom of motion and load-bearing abilities, the autopilot motion of walking is running up against some painful barriers. As a result my body has learned a way of walking. Partly the trained result of seven weeks crutching, and partly a reflexive aversion to pains, I’ve got quite the limping swagger. My left leg tries its best to keep rigid and straight, and my hip rises to allow it to swing out and forward with every other step. But this is no fluid gait and it does little to restore flexibility and muscle mass to my weaker limb.

So I’m trying to walk more naturally, even if it hurts a little. Making sure to bend my knee back, trying to match its swing with that of my stronger leg, these are ways I can override my body’s reflexive pain-avoiding limp. I mean, I can totally understand why pain avoidance is a useful trait for big careless creatures like myself. I just wish that I could command my leg to toughen up, get with the program, and fall in line.

There are so many motions we internalize and allow to drop below the conscious level, like walking, riding a bike, typing, putting food into our mouths. I say “allow” as if the natural state of things were that we controlled, sensed, and knew everything about our bodies and their interactions with the world, but this gives consciousness far too much credit.